Back to the Dr

Ok, so I got to see the dr first thing in the morning, and on New Years Eve. They did and ultrasound and saw a sac and a yolk this time. The dr didn't seem worried at all espically since it appeared larger then the last time. I am still scared though.

I then got a call back with my numbers. HCG is 1615 and Progesteron was 40.53. It was up from the 1000 and 15.58 previously, but not enough to ease my mind.

Now we just wait till the next appointment, Friday next week the 8th of January.

I think its over

I started bleeding again today but now it is bright red and some small clots. I am beside myself now. I knew something wasn't right. I am calling the dr right now, but I don't feel good, even though I had ok numbers today.

Gosh dangit

Ok, I am going to join the group freaking out, I started bleeding tonight. I am praying I can get in to be sen tomorrow because I can't handle the stress. I am cramping but I am contributing it to the constipation. The blood is brown in color and doesn't seem to be "flowing" so I know that is good. But it wasn't just a tiny bit either. So I put on a panty liner to see how much I am actually losing just to know. At this moment I am really upset because I am not ready for this to end, its just not fair. We wait way to long to get here and spent $20,000 to get pregnant I just want this baby to be healthy.

Update: I have an appointment today at 2pm, but at the closer office, so I will likely be home by about 3:30 today hopefully with good news. And the spotting has gone down and the cramps are no longer. I am praying this is a good sign. I think this could have been because we had sex the night before, who knows though.

Update after appt: So I had an ultrasound and bloodwork. I won't get the results till tomorrow afternoon probably. But there was a sac and only one baby. So we know that much. We will know things are ok tomorrow after we get the levels back from the blood. So yeah thats all we know so far.

Update: So the dr office called me back. My hcg is at 1000, not exactly as high as I had hoped. My progesterone was at 15.58 so they are upping my nightly injections to 1.5cc (50% increase). I am now even more worried and praying this bean has a heartbeat come Friday next week.

IVF Recap

November 18 - AF starts, called new RE to start IVF (a week early)

November 20 - u/s, Ganirelix - 250mcg

November 22 - Ganirelix - 250mcg

November 23-27 - Follistim 300 iu

November 28 - Follistim 300 iu, Luveris 75 iu

November 29 - Follistim 300 iu, Luveris 75 iu

November 30 - Follistim 225 iu, Luveris 75 iu, u/s 14 egs on one side and 8 on the other. Largest 15mm and two at 13mm

December 1 - Follistim 225 iu, Luveris 75 iu, Ganirelix - 125mcg

December 2 - Follistim 75 iu, Ganirelix - 125mcg, u/s - 25 eggs most measuring 15-16mm

December 4 - Estrogen - 3923 and HCG trigger shot

December 6 - retrevial of 21 eggs, Started Progesterone injections

December 7 - 19 eggs ICSI'd - 6 fertilized, Progesterone

December 8 - Started Medrol, Progesteronee

December 9 - 6 embryos made it, put in 2-8 celled ones and froze the other 4

December 18 - Bloodwork - HCG Beta 29

December 21 - Bloodwork - HCG Beta 114

Beta results and talked to dr

Ok so I got my beta results, she said they were good, but she said they doubled, but in m book they did more then that, but again, I don't really understand beta #'s.

12 DPO - 29
15 DPO - 114

You tell me, I have no clue, but she said it was good so thats all that matters.

I have an appointment for the 5th of January, which sucks, I didn't want to have to wait that long, but I guess I have to (insert grumpy face here). So we will get to see the bean at about 6 1/2 weeks, hopefully we will know forsure if there is one or two in there.

My other questions were asking if its ok to resume sex, he said yes, Tim is very happy about this news.

I asked about the extra streength tylonol, he said that was fine, even at the full dose.

Also, I have MTHFR but I don't know which mutation, so he is putting me on Folguard to suppliment the folic acid, because my body can't process and absorb it like normal. SO this makes me happy because I really need this bean to be healthy. And I am to resume my progesterone in oil shots in the butt, YEAH.

So now we just wait.

Pics BFP

Beta results

This morning I went into the lab to get m blod taken for a beta. I still wasn't feeling like I was pregnant, but it turns out, I AM! I asked when my dr would get the results and the lady told me it wouldn't be until about 4pm. So when 4L45 rolled around I called the dr's office because I wanted to know before they closed for the day. While I was out I also had bought a HPT. Well Tim got home and I was waiting for a call back from the nurse, and he told me to just go pee on a stick. I honestly thought it was way too early to test espically on a home one. Well before I was done peeing I could see a second line. But I didn't let on, then I sat at the computer, and the phone rang. I answered and at this point I already saw the HPT, but waited for her confirmation. Good news, everything worked. So we are pregnant. And my beta was a 29. Not sure how good it is, but everyones reactions are pretty good towards it. I am SO pleased, but it hasn't really sunk in yet.

EDD August 28, 2010 - works for me.

Days Pregnant:3 weeks 6 days
Days left: 253
Pregnancy symptoms: So far the only symptom I have, gas, and sometimes I am a little extra tired, no issues with that.

Could it be?

SO for the past few days I haven't felt like things have worked and really at this point it doesn't feel like I am pregnant.

But (and I know I might be grasping at straws) today I had the tiniest bit of spotting when I went to the bathroom. I had on black underwear so I don't know if there is any more. And all day I have had this pukey feeling. Its more then I was just hungry too. At first I thought it was from hunger, but I have been eating all day, and I had plenty. But at first I assumed hunger because I had only had donuts for breakfast, and I was pukey feeling by 11am. Then I had a hot dog and mac and cheese for lunch, some pretzels, a pop, and fruit snacks. Still pukey. and then I had more fruit snacks and some baby oranges, still pukey.

So could it be? Could these really be the first signs of a possible pregnancy? I really truly hope so. So far this is all I am feeling.

As for if its a period, today I had gone potty more like a diarrhea which is normal when my period is about to start, and not normal with a pregnancy.

So, two more days till I get my beta's.

Transfer Day

Thankfully Tim could take me and all 6 eggs made it to today. I was so worried. He brought us into the office and my heart sunk. He said we have 3-8 cell, 1-7 cell, 1-5 cell, and I don't remember what the last one was, but I think it was a 5 cell. So we decided to put 2 of the 8 cells back in and freeze the remaining 4. If this doesn't work, he is willing to put 4 back in next time. I am still taking my progesterone and if we get the long awaited BFP then I will take it up till the 10 week point.

Thats a little scary only because I can't reach my butt to do it myself, so Tim, get ready, you are needed to poke me with a shot each night. (Totally worth it)

I am so excited, its all I can think about. Now I am off to chill with my tivo and let things settle in. I am SO ready to know already. Here's to the longest 2ww of my life.

I go in for blood work on the 18th which is only 9 days away, and again on the 21st. We will have a more definite answer on the 21st after watching the numbers change.

Still Hurting

So I had the retrieval on Sunday, ever since I have had this feeling of constipation and almost like I pulled a bad muscle in my abs area. Now I have IBS and going potty is never an issue, and that part is still pretty normal, other then it hurts in my abs when I actually go to the bathroom. My ovaries were empties yet I am still peeing all the time.

Now I also noticed that my uterus is still hard as a rock right now. I only get this RIGHT before a period, and I remember it when I was pregnant. Either way. I started my progesterone injetions on Sunday night, along with starting medrol today. But I am just curious if this has anything to do with the progesterone, or what might be happening. I didn't think I would still be hurting this long after the retrieval. And tomorrow I go in for the transfer.

update to the "when" question

Well the nurse is who told me that, so I talked to the dr later about our eggs issue, and he said to wait until at least the BFP. HE said we can today and tomorrow but then the transfer is Wednesday and we have to wait. But I am still sore from the retrieval so I am not really interested right now.

DH was freaking out because he is supposed to deploy shortly after that 9 week date

Dr Called

Well I talked to the dr today, he was great to call me personally instead of having a nurse talk to me. But he said they were all shocked at how few fertilized but he is confident we will have several strong ones by Wednesday.

My feelings were that this could explain why its taking so long, and overjoyed we paid for ICSI and had so many otherwise who knows, we may not have 6. I am honestly surprised how positive I am, I am sort or a pessimistic. I don't want to believe it till its proven true kind of person. but I am really trying to be positive, and its actually working.

Tim is helping to keep me positive though. The dr however said he thinks the issue lies with his sperm and my egg having issues together. Who knows, but I am glad we didn't waste time with any more IUI's.

???

How long until we are allowed to have sex? I called the Dr and was SHOCKED by the nurses answer so I will ask the dr as well. The retrevial was yesterday and I still hurt, so I am not doing anything yet.

But the nurse told me 9 weeks after the transfer. Is that true? I can't believe we should have to wait that long.

Dr called about my eggs

And it wasn't what we hoped for.

So at the retrieval they got 21 eggs. The dr was certain that we would be freezing a lot. Well we chose to pay for ICSI just because it wasn't much on top of what we were already paying. So they were able to do ICSI on 19 of the eggs. And today when they reviewed them (or whatever) they determined that only 6 eggs fertilized.

I don't know how great 6 eggs is, but its so disappointing after having SO many eggs. Anyway, maybe this brings some light as to why we aren't pregnant yet.

But I am glad we did the ICSI.

So the transfer will be Wednesday morning. I am a little down right now, but hopeful.


Its baffling to me, but I am so glad we had so many eggs and paid for the ICSI, otherwise who knows what the results would have been

Retrieval of eggs

This morning was my retrevial. I think it went ok too. When they gave me the IV they blew a vein, but were able to get it in the arm with a smaller needle. Tim was so great but struggled with them poking at me. I woke up a lot easier then I ever had under anastesia before so that was nice, but I was really nauseated and very crampy. I didn't really know what to expect, but I feel like I just have terrible period cramps. Good news, they were able to retreive 21 eggs. I was very excited about that number. We paid the extra for them to do ICSI, so tomorrow we will get the call to see how many fertilized. I am not sure what a normal number is, but I am excited.

Now when we talked before he said he would put in 3 eggs, and today when we were talking he said he hopes to put in 2 on day 3. I was a little shocked, because we had mentally prepared for 3. I am scared that if we only do two, and it doesn't work, there will be the what if factor. Either way, we will talk to him about it more when we have a number in sight.

Tim is stressing because he may not make it for the transfer because he has no one to cover him at work, and he would have to take off 5 hours in the day to get there and back. I really hope he is able to make it, but its not the end of the world.

I started my progesterone shots today, it didn't hurt till about 5 minutes after it was in. I had Tim massage it around as I read you should do, but its still a bit tight. And I itch at the injection site.

Anyway thats my update.

Number of embryos to transfer

So we are officially in the big debate about how many embryos to transfer. If all goes as planned. The dr won't put more then 3 in, which is good because I feel that is my max. Now I would LOVE twins, and be OVERJOYED with just one. I can handle three I think, but its just not my first decision. However, I sort of think its worth chancing things. I mean I would much rather have three then chance having none. So how do you decide? I am just hoping that if 3 go in at least one or two can make it. My past proves my body doesn't seem to do this too well, so I would love to better my odds.

Anyway tell me your story and why you chose what you did. Thanks everyone

I am sure it is due to all the hormones I am shooting up, but I just wasn't sure until I was reassured on a fertility board I frequent.

I have had the most sore boobs for 3 days now, and my nips are hard as a rock and are killing me. I am also peeing all the time. I am supposed to have an egg retrieval on Saturday and I just don't know whats normal (first IVF cycle).

Come to find out the boobs are due to the hormones, no worry, I want them to last at least to a BFP. However the peeing surprised me. Everyone suggested it was due to the oversized ovaries.

Oh well.

Testing negative

So, I heard about this after it was too late when we did our IUI cycle last January. But we are getting close to the HCG shot day and I wanted to know more about it. SO Tim and I are talking more about if we want to pay to do this or just wait it out.

The way I understand it is you take the hcg shot and test every day and watch the hcg leave your system (negative pregnancy test) and if your tests begin to get darker again, then you are pregnant.


But if you think about it, that is what a test a day for at least 14 days. a box of two tests can range from $8-14. That's a big investment just to pee on a stick.

Update

Ok, so today I went in for an ultrasound after taking my FSH drugs for a few days now. But before I reveal the results a little back story.

My family tends to hit menapause early and when I had an u/s last year, it revealed that my one ovary was appearing about 10 years older then it should. I wasn't producing many eggs there either. We did an IUI in January 2009 and only produced one egg.

So I went in today, cd13 and to my surprise, I had 14 eggs on one side, and 8 on the other. I am SO overjoyed with the results so far.

The largest follicle was at 15mm and the second two were at 13mm. So he upped my meds a little to boost the size of the remaining eggs, and I go back on Wednesday. Then we should have a retrevial on Saturday. I am so excited about this and so anxious. I am praying it all works.

This is our first cycle through IVF so I am still unsure of how it all plays out, but I am so excited.

Progesterone results

I had my blood drawn on 22 Sep 08 to see if I had ovulated. For the ovulation phase normal is 2.4-9.4 ng/ml and I had a 9.4 level. Thats a really good sign.

On my previous progesteron level taken on 19 Dec 07, CD 17 which should have been just before ovulation (not noted that month) was a .2. That is even low for postmenapausal women.

Making the jump

I haven't been on this in a very log time because I just couldn't keep talking about not being pregnant. But we have decided to do a couple cycles of IVF, with hopes of not needing that second round.

I started my first shots on cd3 which was Friday. It all happened a little fast because of my period coming a week early.

I am really very exciting and SO nervous. I like statistics which is why we went with IVF. I did an IUI back in January wiht no luck. This dr told me an IUI was a 17% chance and IVF was a 50% chance. We chose the odds. We are also going to pay he extra to do the ICSI. Anyone know statistics with ICSI? What I have been reading is showing that its about 63% per egg.

Thanks for reading.

Dumb eyelash wish

I know this is just incredibly dumb, but hey its in my head.

About 3 months back I had made a wish on an eyelash. We always do this and I ALWAYS ask for a BFP. But it never happens. So this one time I decided to be patient knowing we were about to move and wouldn't be doing a lot of baby-making. SO I wished for a BFP in 3 months. Well we didn't time anything this month, but EVERYTHING has me thinking. DH even came down and asked me to do him a favor. When I asked what he asked that I get preggo this month. It kinda hurt, but I know how he feels.

So anyway I have had some serious nipple pain this week but it was much less today. I have had more stomach issues this month as well. But I have been on vacation, as well as eating more oreos and milk and mac and cheese. Cheese is a big no-no for me. Anyway I went to the bathroom today and had some serious watery CM. This too is very off for being on CD 23. But I had a little yesterday as well, just more today.

Anyway I am praying this could be a surprise month, I just don't believe it. I already had my EWCM around CS 15 so I don't think my nipple soreness is from ovulation.

Anyway, heres to hoping my dumb eyelash wish is coming true.....

It's really going to happen

So, today I did a free photoshoot at the local park. It was a way to help my portfolio grow a little. I had asked Tim if he still had a fishing license thinking he would like to fish while I took photos. Well he doesn't anymore and my first photoshoot had calcelled. Right when Iw as about to leave for my second one, he decided he would join me. He walked around and listened to his ipod while I took m photos. When I was finished I went to find him. We sat together near one of the smaller, less congested ponds at the local park, Floyd Lamb.

I don't really remamber the whole conversation. But when we arrived he said how it would be great to have a kid, he could walk around with our child while I did my pictures. I mentioned he could have brought the dogs, but he said how that was too much of a hassel. So we got to talking and he preempted with "now I want to save a little first, but how soon can we fill out adoption papers?" That was in the car ride to the park. I explained that someone told me that if you were married a certain amount of time you could file, even if you weren't 25. So I guess his walking around thinking was about that. When I did join him after the photoshoot, he said he wanted to start the papers once we were settled in our new place after we move. It was the first time he has come to me saying anything along those line. All this time I was worried I was more ready for this then him, but he is there, he is ready to adopt. I don't care anymore about fertility teatments, if he can fully accept adoption.

I am so eager to start the process now, I just can't wait.

But I am nervous too.

It's getting worse

The darn baby fever. I usually don't have an issue around kids. I mean I think about wanting one but it doesn't hurt my mood. Well I'm staying with some friends who have two kids and its really hard. I mean we were trying before they got pregnant with their first (one month trying) and now they have a surprise second. I mean I am happy for people usually but that doesn't stop me from being angry with our situation.

I'm just so sick of the dr's, the timed sex, the emphasis on all the aches and twinges, people asking if were pregnant, and the utter disappointment I feel every month. I've given up any hope of ever getting pregnant. I start to wonder if I was ever meant to be a mom. If not then what am I supposed to do in life. I just feel sheer emptiness inside, a complete void in my life. I just dread the call for my sisters call, telling she is pregnant. I can't handle it anymore.

Even though I know stress doesn't help I can't stop. I am on "vacation" right now and that emptiness hit me today. Being around other kids just got to me finally. I think its mostly because people know I can't get pregnant and they complain about there kids to me. I don't know what they are thinking. Do they think it will make me not want kids? No way it just makes me sad. I would gladly take that.

Who knows anymore.

I just want someone I can talk to about it.

First Post - A bloggers quiz

1. Why do you blog?

I love to write even though I am not very good at it. This is the easiest way to sort through feelings and document "us".

2. What was your favorite age to be and why?

25 - That is my current age. Tim and I have a blast being together. We have moved past the first few years of marriage where we struggled, we are still so in love, and we are comfortable together. I think its a comfortable age, not too busy, not too overwhelming.

3. What's your favorite sport to play?

I like to play soccer. I used to do gymnastics but many debate if its a sport. Gymnastics was the most fun for me, but I still struggled with it.

4. What's your favorite sport to watch, and who's your favorite team?

I don't watch sports, but I do love to watch the Red Wings play hockey.

5. If you could pick your perfect career (and money doesn't matter / the kids are out of the house) what would it be?

I have the perfect career (sorta), I love being a photographer.

6. Do you ever feel guilty for blogging?

Not at this point.

7. What is your favorite holiday?

Christmas. Cliche I know, but I love being with family, decorating make my home look so beautiful, and I really enjoy searching for that perfect gift for everyone.

8. What's your favorite kind of music?

Country or christian. I love the lyrics for the most part, and its about my music. I also enjoy some pop music but usually for the music and not lyrics.

9. Do you consider yourself a good driver or bad driver?

Somewhere in between. I am not a great driver, Tim is definitely much better. But I am not terrible. I do lack some in concentration and my ability to react could be faster.

10. What's the farthest away place you have visited?

I live in the farthest place I have visited. I mean I was raised in Michigan and I live in Southern California. We have driven back and forth on 3 separate occasions now. I have seen a lot of the United States through my car window at this point.