Oh the 2ww (two week wait)

The joys of the 2ww are torturous. If you have even gone through trying to conceive you understand the torments of the 2ww. Infertility makes it so much worse. And us doing IVF? EVER worse. How is that possible? Simple. I KNOW there are two embryos inside me. I am closer to pregnant than I have been in all those years of 2ww's. Because I actually know there is a REAL possibility of it. So the other day when I

 - got nauseous from drinking mountain dew, I question if I am pregnant.
 - got nauseous again from eating, I question if I am pregnant.
 - felt a sore boob, I questioned if I am pregnant. (and poked and proded the rest of the night)
 - contemplated making a sandwich and a pickle sounded delicious. I question if I am pregnant.
 - bake cookies and smell nothing but the walnuts, I question if I am pregnant.

All I do is ponder, guess, and daydream about the possibilities.

Ah, the 2ww. Thankfully it isn't truly 2 weeks to wait. From transfer to my first HCG Beta its only 8 days. I do think I just MIGHT have to POAS on Sunday, and that would be 10 DPO or 5dp5dt.

4dp5dt

Today is 4 days past a 5 day transfer. I took both a cheapo test and an FRER test this morning and both were unmistakingly negative. Last night I had slight carmping as I did the day before (usually associated with slight constipation) but then this morning nothing. This evening I have had a few moments of some cramping similar to my period starting. I recall this when I was pregnant with Leiland and it lasted a long time. So maybe thats hopeful?

Today I had this sad feeling come over me that it just didn't work. I know its SO freaking early but it wasn't because of a lack of symptoms. I can't pinpoint where the feeling came from.

As we entered into this cycle I barely entertained the idea that it might not work. I just figured our chances were really good because the two other times were a success the first time each. Then when they told us the quality of the embryos (blastocytes) was good and just ok, I was a little nervous. And right now I just don't have a strong feeling.

We shall see. I will test again tomorrow. I will inspect the readout of the test so closely. I can always see where the line SHOULD be, just its not always there. Then I will wait a little longer. Test again Thursday, and Friday. Just to see.

I got my first bfp with Leiland at 7dp3dt (10 dpo) and tomorrow I will be the same 10dpo. We shall see.