Poor Rash

Leilands bum rash got worse again. He is so itchy. So not much potty training happening right now. But when he wants a candy he is willing to sit for a bit.

Potty Day 2

So yesterday I could see leiland needed to poo. So I sat him down and he tried but wanted up. So I pulled over his rocking chair for him to play a toy. He usually poops standing so he tried standing while pushing and yelling no. I felt bad for him. He kept hugging me so he could push. Finally with another push he pooped and peed. He squealed all done and stood up. Yay leiland. So he got to pick a special treat and he wanted chips. So we flushed and washed the potty. Later he had another accident and another pee in the potty.

This morning he woke up pretty wet but we went right on the potty and he got his m&m's. nothing. So then a little later he stood beside the potty holding himself asking for m's. I rushed to help him and he went pee. 

I had to leave to a dr appt and he stayed with daddy. He peed once then had two accidents. I tried before lunch and he refused to sit. I tried before nap and he freaked out. He woke dry and refused to sit. Crying, yelling no, and pushing away. So I let it be. He peed in his diaper. Just now he was about to poop so I went to put him on the pity and he had a meltdown till his shorts were back on. I'm pretty torn. How hard do I push? Do I let today go and try fresh in the morning?

I don't know. . .

I have been a TERRIBLE slacker at my blogging lately. I did make a facebook group so that when Leiland does or says something I can write it down quickly. I can search for things in there, and they are date stamped. So I will put a few of those things in here, its just a matter of having the time.

A little over a month ago we drove to Georgia to see Tims family. We had a blast too. Leiland was so good with Tims cousins and happy to see all the family. Two weeks ago we met my Laura, Jim, James, Kayla, and Anna in Pittsburgh. It was just a weekend and we brought Anna home with us. So she has been here for two weeks and in a week I will head to Michigan with her to return her. The plan started because I am going to Michigan for her 13th birthday. I'm really excited too. I was just home in July when Kayla was born, and my family hasn't seen her since then.

Leiland has been talking a lot more lately, and starting to repeat us if we say "Leiland can you say_____?". He is also been a lot more physical. He can jump now, has been climbing more, trying to balance on everything, and just stepped his dare-devilness up a notch.

He will be 22 months in just 10 days. Its crazy. I can't believe he is almost 2 already. This past year has been flying by for me. I am amazed by him on a daily basis, and I am still astonished as how my love for him has grown. Its hard to imagine feeling this way for another child.

Lately we have started to go pee on the potty. There was even a day he got a tiny drop of poop in the potty. Leiland also washes his hands using a step stool in the bathroom when done. He brushes his own teeth, is beginning to help clean up toys, and is starting to understand feelings more. He loves playing puzzles, and throwing balls, jumping on the dogs, and reading books. His favorite book right now is Dinosaur Roar, and we have to read it EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes its the only book he will let me read. Favorite puzzles include this firetruck one, and this shape one. This little farm is another top favorite to play with.

Leiland still LOVES Elmo, but is really into Mickey, Minnie, and Little Einsteins. He doesn't watch Elmo, but likes to watch Mickey. We are starting to learn letters and trying to count, but he isn't too interested. He knows a few colors although when you ask him, everything is orange. But when we are out and about he will call out things that are Orange, Red, and Blue. Working on it.

And just a few random pictures because its been forever, soon I will find time to post more.

 

 

 First snowman - he kept eating the peas for the eyes

 Last visit to the DC Childrens National for his broken elbow

Happy Valentines Day - He picked up his own cards - puppies and kitties of course

We love bath tablets for fun bath colors

Thats it for now, Ill try to be better at posting.

Sleep Issues, again

So first we moved and sleep was disturbed.
I worked with Leiland and got him sleeping again.
Then he broke his arm and sleep was disturbed again.
Once the cast was off we got close to back to normal.
Then we went to Georgia for 10 days and sleep got all out of whack again.

Last night I was determined to get back to normal. Leiland only wanted downstairs or to rock to sleep. As much as I love rocking him to sleep, he sleeps better when he puts himself to bed. He was tired last night so we did our usual routine. Dinner, bath, teeth, Jammie's, books, songs, then bed. He cried instantly. I left him for a few minutes and he just cried. I went in and rocked him a little then put him back to bed, big cries again. I rocked him once more till close to sleep and he freaked as soon as I laid him down again. I tried rubbing his back and he fraught me so I stepped out again. He finally calmed and went to sleep. But he woke up around 4 I think and I rocked him. we slept in the chair with him tossing off and on never filling getting into a deep sleep till 730.

Today we were gone till nap and he had fallen asleep in the car and woke when I tried to transfer him. He then was cranky on such little sleep. Early bedtime didn't happen so he went right to bed. Tonight however he laid right down and went to sleep. I'm praying this means we are going back to sleeping better again.

Another Bloggers Post

http://alameda.patch.com/blog_posts/please-dont-help-my-kids

Please Don't Help My Kids

Dear Other Parents At The Park:
Please do not lift my daughters to the top of the ladder, especially after you've just heard me tell them I wasn't going to do it for them and encourage them to try it themselves.

I am not sitting here, 15 whole feet away from my kids, because I am too lazy to get up. I am sitting here because I didn't bring them to the park so they could learn how to manipulate others into doing the hard work for them. I brought them here so they could learn to do it themselves.

They're not here to be at the top of the ladder; they are here to learn to climb. If they can't do it on their own, they will survive the disappointment. What's more, they will have a goal and the incentive to work to achieve it.

In the meantime, they can use the stairs. I want them to tire of their own limitations and decide to push past them and put in the effort to make that happen without any help from me.

It is not my job — and it is certainly not yours — to prevent my children from feeling frustration, fear, or discomfort. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn that those things are not the end of the world, and can be overcome or used to their advantage.

If they get stuck, it is not my job to save them immediately. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn to calm themselves, assess their situation, and try to problem solve their own way out of it.

 It is not my job to keep them from falling. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn that falling is possible but worth the risk, and that they can, in fact, get up again.

I don't want my daughters to learn that they can't overcome obstacles without help. I don't want them to learn that they can reach great heights without effort. I don't want them to learn that they are entitled to the reward without having to push through whatever it is that's holding them back and *earn* it.

Because — and this might come as a surprise to you — none of those things are true. And if I let them think for one moment that they are, I have failed them as a mother.

I want my girls to know the exhilaration of overcoming fear and doubt and achieving a hard-won success.

I want them to believe in their own abilities and be confident and determined in their actions.

I want them to accept their limitations until they can figure out a way past them on their own significant power.

I want them to feel capable of making their own decisions, developing their own skills, taking their own risks, and coping with their own feelings.

I want them to climb that ladder without any help, however well-intentioned, from you.

Because they can. I know it. And if I give them a little space, they will soon know it, too.

So I'll thank you to stand back and let me do my job, here, which consists mostly of resisting the very same impulses you are indulging, and biting my tongue when I want to yell, "BE CAREFUL," and choosing, deliberately, painfully, repeatedly, to stand back instead of rush forward.

Because, as they grow up, the ladders will only get taller, and scarier, and much more difficult to climb. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather help them learn the skills they'll need to navigate them now, while a misstep means a bumped head or scraped knee that can be healed with a kiss, while the most difficult of hills can be conquered by chanting, "I think I can, I think I can", and while those 15 whole feet between us still feels, to them, like I'm much too far away.

Lots Happened

Twice in the pregnancy i noticed spotting. Finally went in just after 7 weeks and the ob said i was measuring right on. On Nov 19th i spotted again. Called the ob and she got me in. Checked my cervix and it was closed but she too could see blood. She sent me right over for an ultrasound. The u/s tech took forever and wouldn't even let me see the screen. I went back to the ob and waited on results. At this point i figure I've lost the baby. She finally hears back and tells me there is no heartbeat. There is a sac but no fetus. It also stopped growing about 6 weeks and 6 days.
So by now its 4 and i go home. I fill my heart with loves from Leiland and get my much needed hugs from tim. We eat and hang out on the couch for a bit.
Leiland does this new happy feet dance. And we have this leather thing that sits in the ottoman that tim eats on. Leiland's new thing is happy feet on that. This day he also had fun having his balls there too. At one point he went to get a ball that fell (as he had several times that night) and he walked off the Ottoman landing flat on his side on the floor. Tim grabs him after he starts to cry and hand hum to me. I saw how he landed and noted him not using his left arm. I tried calming him with distraction, walking around the house, food, songs, and a TV show.
Nothing calmed his cries but I couldn't see or feel anything wrong. I finally pulled his shirt off and noticed his swollen upper arm  i called tim over saying i thought he broke it. We both agreed the er was next. Tim licked the dogs and i got Leiland dressed. I just put a zip sweater knowing it was easy for x rays and brought a shirt for later. The car ride was terrible. He was in pain and just cried. I tucked his shirt under his arm to stabilize it and sang songs while i held a hand and rubbed his cheek. as we got closer he started dazing in and out. We arrived and i could keep him calm if i cradled him and held his arm just right so it wouldn't move. They took us back and gave him motrin and took his weight.
Back in the waiting room we waited maybe 10 minutes and were taken back. He was looked at then had an oral pain med. This helped quickly. He went for xrays and did great. Then while waiting to see those he fell asleep. They put a splint on without waking him. He indeed broke his elbow. We arrived before 6 and waited forever. They ended up taking me and Leiland by ambulance to children's national in Washington DC. We didn't leave toll 11 or 12 that night. Leiland was happy though and wandering the halls. Didn't use his arm but playing happily.
Tim went home to take care of dogs and give our friend a key. Then he met us at the DC hospital. Poor Leiland was exhausted. They admitted us, took more xrays as the medication wore off, gave him an iv, and kept coming in the room. The next morning at 5 we went up to prepare him for surgery. Surgery was at 6am Tuesday Nov 20. We then waited and went in before he woke. He was groggy but did ok. We watched Mickey and he drank apple juice. Then we went up to his room. I slept with him on my chest till the nurse woke me. We were encouraged to get him up and moving but he was so exhausted.
We did wake him and try to get food in him so we could go home. Stopped to fill prescription on the way home. He had Tylenol 3 and took that every few hours and motrin at night. 2 night later and he didn't need it anymore. He was doing great. The next morning at he he pointed to it twice saying off? I explained we couldn't and he didn't complain again.
Nov 30 we went in for xrays to check progress. He was doing great. Dec 14th he had the cast and pins removed. Now a week later he uses it a lot, straightens it, and you cant even tell. Amazing.

HCG

This morning I got a positive pregnancy test and went to get my blood work at 1:30. The results were positive with my HCG level being 8. 5 is considered positive so its positive just really low. I am honestly worried. Praying my heart out right now.

5dp5dt

Took a test this morning and it was negative again. I kept going between thinking I could see the faintest of lines then back to nothing. No symptoms all day long making me think again that it didn't work - then at night slight nausea and minimal cramping. Who knows. I will test again tomorrow and see.

This time around I am taking progesterone and delestrogen until 12 weeks if we get pregnant. I never needed estrogen before so I don't know why I need that extra one. My bum is so incredibly sore right now. I am covered in knots and bruises. It hurts to sit down or to have my phone in my back pocket. The thought of doing my nightly shots literally brings me to tears and its sad.

4dp5dt

Today is 4 days past a 5 day transfer. I took both a cheapo test and an FRER test this morning and both were unmistakingly negative. Last night I had slight carmping as I did the day before (usually associated with slight constipation) but then this morning nothing. This evening I have had a few moments of some cramping similar to my period starting. I recall this when I was pregnant with Leiland and it lasted a long time. So maybe thats hopeful?

Today I had this sad feeling come over me that it just didn't work. I know its SO freaking early but it wasn't because of a lack of symptoms. I can't pinpoint where the feeling came from.

As we entered into this cycle I barely entertained the idea that it might not work. I just figured our chances were really good because the two other times were a success the first time each. Then when they told us the quality of the embryos (blastocytes) was good and just ok, I was a little nervous. And right now I just don't have a strong feeling.

We shall see. I will test again tomorrow. I will inspect the readout of the test so closely. I can always see where the line SHOULD be, just its not always there. Then I will wait a little longer. Test again Thursday, and Friday. Just to see.

I got my first bfp with Leiland at 7dp3dt (10 dpo) and tomorrow I will be the same 10dpo. We shall see.

Waiting

So, I wait. Its not as hard as I expected but we just put embryos in 3 days ago. Its crazy its been 3 days already. This weekend was so busy packing.

Yesterday  I was nauseous a couple time but not bad. Then when I gave myself my shot I got SUPER light headed and nauseous and I had to crouch to the ground because I thought I would otherwise fall over.

Today very slight nausea. TERRIBLE heartburn at one point. Now my left nipple is tingling. Weird. Sorry if thats TMI

I took a cheap dollar store test this morning. I showed Tim and we both agree it was negative. But I SWEAR I could see the faintest of lines. I tried to take a picture but you can't see it. So its considered negative.

I am currently 3dp5dt (3 days past a 5 day transfer)

I will take another cheapo test in the morning, just to see. Then Wednesday I will use a real test.

17 Month Update

Holy cow my bow is 17 months already. The past 5 months have FLOWN by. And he is just getting so big and losing all his babyness :(

He weighs in at 22 pounds even, wears a size 5 shoes, 2t or 24m shirts and mostly 18m bottoms. Some are getting small so we may be up to 24m in some brands this winter. Sleeping 12ish hours at night, and 2-2 hour naps a day typically. We are transitioning to 1 longer nap (about 3 hours) but he isn't quite ready just yet. But very close. I say by Christmas we will be down to 1.

He is still such a happy and easy going little man. FULL of snuggles: constantly gives kisses and hugs out of nowhere, and just a complete joy. He is just starting to do things to get people to laugh. Usually strangers. He is shy when he is tired or not feeling well but otherwise he will talk to anyone.

He is saying more words. More then I think I even know that he knows. He uses these pretty regularily now though - some are repeats from a previous list)
Bite
Bike
Down
Mmwah
Mom (all day long)
Walk
Please
Yes (so cute)
Dog (better annunciation)
Frog
Score (hilarious)
Shhh
Cereal
Egg
Lunch (doesn't sound right but I do know what he is saying when he says it)
No - all the time for no reason
Grapes
Cheese


He is getting a little better about sharing, if he is in a good mood. But it just depends who is around. His milk is NOT something he will let another child have though - he freaks out.

There is a ton going on with our move right now but he is taking it with stride. He doesn't even seem to notice everything is disappearing. He did enjoy the weekend outside while we loaded the POD though.

His favorite toy right now is his new shopping cart ($3 used) and a little baby doll he puts inside it. He also puts his drink in it a lot. I'll try for a picture. He likes his trike too but needs help still. With shoes on I can help him peddle and he can reach. I think by spring he will be riding it all on his own.

He is still doing great in his crib. No climbing and he barely even stands in there. When he wakes I go get him while he is tossing and fussing and sometimes he just lays and cries - waiting for me. He LVOES being greeted by the dogs. He is happiest when the dogs come in the room with me to get him. I am in no rush to put him in a toddler bed since he does so well in his crib. He does toss around a LOT at night and in naps, so I think he needs all 4 sides. He sleeps right up against the rails for comfort so I think he will fall out too easily in a toddler or twin bed. We will see though. He sleeps with his glow seahorse, a blankie, and usually 3-4 more stuffed animals. He also slept with a pillow while we were in San Diego and he seemed to like it, so after the move he will get a pillow too.

Potty training isn't started yet but I am laying some ground work for it. I have a frog potty thats been out since just after a year. He will sit on it and say pee and poo. He likes to come sit while I go potty. I have it more so he isn't scared for the most part. I now can tell when he is pooping and twice now he has told me before he pooped (within 5 minutes). I know he isn't ready yet but I can see progress to getting there. Maybe we will start around 2 years or so. Maybe 2 1/2 - depending on him.

We currently have 11 or 12 teeth. The last molar I am unsure about. We have been teething pretty hard this week so it may have come through but he is not allowing me to even look. THe other 3 are through though and I can see a good about of them now.

Leiland is still a good eater but his quantity has drastically gone down. He loves grapes, string cheese, black olives, chicken, Panera mac and cheese (no other), peanut butter, pretzels, and hot dogs.


So thats about it for 17 months.

IVF Update

So IVF has been going as planned. I did forget to start one medication on time, and I accidentally took one shot a day early. Hoping it doesn't make a huge difference though.

We did our transfer on Friday the 12th. We were able to put 2 embryos in again. 1 was good quality and the other ok. The 2 we didn't put in weren't growing or were slow/ behind where they should be.

I go in for bloodwork on the 19th to see if it worked.

This weekend I SHOULD be on bed rest, light activity and that isn't happening. I SHOULD be pushing it but I am not. We have to pack and move and that makes it impossible to sit around all weekend. I think its ok though.

So because Friday the embryos were 5 days (past ovulation) that puts me at 7 DPO right now. I am considering taking a test on Wednesday just to see if it shows up.

Tim and I have both made a guess and think it will work and it will be 1 boy.

We haven't really told everyone yet. My sister knows and a few friends. If it works I won't tell everyone until Christmas just for the fun of it.

Poor Baby

Leiland has not liked sleeping in my bed since he was about 4-5 months old. I wish he slept better with me but its never been the case. 1 time when camping this summer but did great and just put his arms around my neck and went to sleep. Last week in San Diego there was 1 night he didn't sleep well so I brought him to bed, he fell back to sleep - so I put him back in the pack n play. He later fussed again so I brought him back to bed and he slept till 930. It was some great sleep. Then 3 nights ago he wasn't sleeping well so I brought him to bed at midnight and he slept great, just wanted to be face to face and arms around my neck. Yesterday same thing. He woke at 4:40 so in my bed he came and he slept till 7:30 and woke so happy. Last night he was up at midnight and I got him yet again (I don't mind one bit) and he really struggled to sleep but he is up there still at 7:30 passed out with TIm. I actually love it. He has never slept better with me and I love the snuggles. 

I KNOW this is because he molars are really bothering him right now. The last 3-4 days have been misery.

Zoo Trip

While Tim has been working in San Diego we decided to come down to San Diego and squeeze in one more zoo/ wild animal park trip.

Saturday we first went to get Leland's first haircut - SO cute. Then after that we walked around the zoo till closing. Sunday we did the wild animal park.

So I don't forget the funny things he said...

While watching an elephant walk through the dirt and kick up a bunch of dust, Leiland yelled "Hot!!! HOT!!! HOT!!!" Tim asked why and I explained how he realized steam is a sign things are hot, so he thought it was steam.

We walked up to the Rhinos who were eating right against the fence line, and Leiland says "Snack" - close but much larger.

As for all the animal names - EVERYTHING is a dog. Who knew. Kinda makes me smile.

First Nickname

Leiland has his first nickname. His little friend Tyler calls him "WeeOow"  its just so cute.