5 weeks pregnant

Today is 5 weeks pregnant. I have known for about 10 days now. It feels like longer, yet it all feels so slow at the same time. Leiland has been off lately and I think he is getting molars, so I have just been trying to get by. I was having slight nausea off and on through the day, but that seems to mostly be gone now. I'm slightly more tired then usual, and my boobs have a tinge or soreness, but its not even close to bad. I'm still really nervous. I can't make that feeling go away. I feel like this pregnancy is going to be ok, but then I am still nervous all the time.

I told Leiland there was a baby in my belly. He asks to hold it, and calls it his baby. Its so stinkin cute. Then today he started saying there was a baby in his belly. One silly boy he is.

Feeling Pregnant

So today I began feeling pregnant. I made eggs for breakfast and like all my other pregnancies they just didn't taste right. Even made me gag. This has made me feel more pregnant than the sore boobs and slight nausea I've been having. But considering I'm not even 5 weeks along its understandable.

Beta #2

Got yesterdays beta results (yesterday) and my number was 127. The nurse said that was a good number. So I have an ultrasound scheduled for August 9th. Im still nervous, but trying to not worry too much.

Beta #1 Restults

My HCG today was 53.

Not going to lie, I am NERVOUS. Its not a great number, but its not as bad as last time either. It was 8 last time. But I am worried and nervous.

Ruth Beta
12 DPO - 29
15 DPO - 114

Leiland Beta
13 DPO - 147
16 DPO - 395

IVF #3
8

IVF #4
13 DPO - 53

Crochet Bear Hat

Today during Leiland's nap, I decided to crochet a little bear hat for the baby. I know its SO super early, but the yarn was just sitting there, so I gave it a go.

Look how cute???

 I used this pattern...
http://www.pacountrycrafts.blogspot.com/2013/04/crochet-bear-hat-pattern.html

The only change I would make, is to so a single crochet around the bottom instead of a slip stitch. The slip stitch doesn't leave much room to stretch.

6dp5dt Pregnancy test "11 dpo"

Today test, darker than yesterday - this makes me hopeful.

Oh the 2ww (two week wait)

The joys of the 2ww are torturous. If you have even gone through trying to conceive you understand the torments of the 2ww. Infertility makes it so much worse. And us doing IVF? EVER worse. How is that possible? Simple. I KNOW there are two embryos inside me. I am closer to pregnant than I have been in all those years of 2ww's. Because I actually know there is a REAL possibility of it. So the other day when I

 - got nauseous from drinking mountain dew, I question if I am pregnant.
 - got nauseous again from eating, I question if I am pregnant.
 - felt a sore boob, I questioned if I am pregnant. (and poked and proded the rest of the night)
 - contemplated making a sandwich and a pickle sounded delicious. I question if I am pregnant.
 - bake cookies and smell nothing but the walnuts, I question if I am pregnant.

All I do is ponder, guess, and daydream about the possibilities.

Ah, the 2ww. Thankfully it isn't truly 2 weeks to wait. From transfer to my first HCG Beta its only 8 days. I do think I just MIGHT have to POAS on Sunday, and that would be 10 DPO or 5dp5dt.

Post Transfer - IVF #4

So yesterday everything went great. We arrived a little too early but it worked out because I got to pee before the procedure. I am always WAY too full. So I went to the bathroom and was able to refill my bladder before going it. And I still had to go terribly bad when finished. It also gave Tim and I some time to hang out and relax. I haven't been able to spend that many hours one on one with Tim is a VERY long time. We dropped Leiland off at 8:45 and when we picked him up he passed on right away in the car, and slept till 5pm. So I had the better part of the day with just the two of us.

Shortly after arriving the embryologist came in to tell us the 2 blasts they thawed survived the thaw but we both still compacted. She said they could take anywhere from 30 minutes to 6 hours to expand, but it wasn't a bad thing necessarily. So we had 2 - 1 Grade 1 and one Grade 2 to put in. We walked into the procedure room and checked to be sure my bladder was full enough. It was full enough to flatten my uterus. So we were good. The embryologist came in again to give a little more info. While in I asked her opinion on if it was better to do a 5dt with frozen over 3dt. Last time we thawed 4 3 day embryos and 2 didn't advance, the other two were not great quality. She explained that if they freeze on day 5 they tend to thaw better, and survive better. Because some froze on day 3 may not make it to day 5 if they were going to freeze them or transfer them, so the 5 days were stronger if they made it. This worried Tim. He took it as that means they are more likely to survive in me and more likely to produce twins. And that might be the case. I will welcome it with open arms if thats the case. We shall see.

Once home yesterday I did pretty good resting, and Tim was really helpful with Leiland. Today Tim is out of town. Its only 9:30 and I feel like I have already done too much. But I have a child - alive and breathing - I have to tend to him. I have a friend coming over for a few hours to help, so that should be good.

As far as how I feel, just cramping a light - medium amount. Nothing crazy, but praying for some sticky embryos.

Off to rest and relax a little more.

And the picture fromt he transfer

IVF #4 Update

I really suck at blogging lately. So anyway this is an update all in one fell swoop.

June 14 - period started

June 18 - saw RE and started estrogen patches every 3 days. 

June 26 - ultrasound shows a mass in uterus about 34mm

June 29 - MRI 

July 2 - dr office calls to schedule ultrasound for Wednesday. 

July 3 - ultrasound looks good

July 9 - transfer day - planning for 2 embryos

So today is the 8th. Tomorrow is the transfer. Life has been crazy. 

The mass was a huge issue. It was thought to be a fibroid or adenoma. The MRI showed its an adenoma. I don't know much about it other than there is nothing we can do to get rid of it. So we proceed on. Had it been a fibroid it would have needed surgery and 3 months recovery before beginning ivf again. So onward. 

Finding a sitter for tomorrow was tough. It really is terrible not having anyone I can rely on for things like this when I just can not take him with me. But I found someone it's just not someone he knows well. I think he will do ok though. 

So yes on to two more embryos going in. Praying they thaw ok and are good quality. They will be using 5day embryos from Leilands fresh cycle. We lost 4 in the last cycle (2 in thaw) so just praying things go better this time. 

Before the issue with having a mass I wasn't as worried it wouldn't work but more worried about another loss. Every cycle has taken just not always a healthy baby. So now with the mass I'm terrified of it not even taking. So I'm praying hard. 

I'm still very nervous about another possible issue with another loss but I'm trying not to discus too far ahead right now. 

First beta is scheduled for the 17th. 

Stick babies.


U/S from the mass found on 6/26

IVF #4 starting

So ivf #4 is in the works. My period started today and Tuesday I see the RE. I'm so excited about it all. 

IVF #4 coming soon

Im currently on CD 17 and next cycle is due June 18th. And they we begin our IVF #4 (2nd FET). I am SO excited but so nervous all at once. The last FET in October ended in a miscarriage over Thanksgiving. It was a super crazy time with Leiland breaking his arm (the day we found out I lost the baby), and we had just moved to Maryland. Now we are back in California (Thank you - close to my dr) and I am ready. I am more than ready.

It took me a REALLY long time to feel ready to have another baby. I can honestly say when we did the last FET I was more ready to be pregnant than to have another baby, but now I am SO ready for both. I constantly dream about what it will be like to be pregnant again. Give birth again. To hold and smell another new little one. And to nurse - oh how I can't wait to nurse another little guy. I miss that with Leiland. But I am ready. I can't wait to make Leiland a big brother. He loves kids, and babies. He will be great at it.

If all goes as planned - we will be due around March 17th. I think its good because it isn't too close to Leilands birthday. We originally were going to do the end of July for the transfer, but then I would be due RIGHT before Leilands birthday, and I just wanted a little spacing. It will be a couple months before he turns 3 and I think that is good. I would love if he could get potty trained before another baby comes along, but right now he just isn't ready.

SO March. CRAZY. I will be 29, so will Tim. I am starting to feel older. I wonder how a couple years older will affect being pregnant. I felt great with Leiland, but lets be honest, I still haven't lost any weight in a long time. I want to be more active this time around, and with Leiland I find it easier to do.

So yeah thats the start. Praying for a sticky bean and a healthy one. We want this so bad right now.

Potty Training

For a while leiland would go pee on the potty. He would run and go a couple diaper changes a day. When we went to Michigan for three weeks he refused to even try. When we got home he no longer had an interest in sitting on the potty. I'll be honest I was bummed. Then that next week we found out we were moving. I wasn't going to push it anymore and the potty was packed up.

Shortly before moving he started getting a rash and he still has it. It's been a month but we finally have it under control. But in the meantime he fights me so bad about sitting on the potty. He screams no and pushes away. 

So today I was stuck home and thought we'd give it a try. First pee was in his diaper. Second pee in the shower. Then we put underpants on and went downstairs. Every 20 minutes he'd attempt. I croaked him on first with a sucker but he refused to sit. So undies back on and try again in 20. This time I had him sit while I got m&m's. he waited then didn't want to sit anymore. So a little bit later we tried again with candy incentive but still no pee. Shortly after he had an accident. Bummer. So I put a diaper on him, fed him lunch, and took him for a nap. He woke up dry. So we went right to the potty while I got m&m's. he did it he went pee. 

I made a huge deal out of it cheering and jumping. I gave him the sucker he worked hard for and put clean undies on. He helped me pour the pee and flush. I still have the timer set for 20 minutes and we will try again. Hopefully he gets the hang of knowing when it's coming. 

I'm so proud of him. And he looks so stinking cute in his little undies.

Poor Rash

Leilands bum rash got worse again. He is so itchy. So not much potty training happening right now. But when he wants a candy he is willing to sit for a bit.

Potty Day 2

So yesterday I could see leiland needed to poo. So I sat him down and he tried but wanted up. So I pulled over his rocking chair for him to play a toy. He usually poops standing so he tried standing while pushing and yelling no. I felt bad for him. He kept hugging me so he could push. Finally with another push he pooped and peed. He squealed all done and stood up. Yay leiland. So he got to pick a special treat and he wanted chips. So we flushed and washed the potty. Later he had another accident and another pee in the potty.

This morning he woke up pretty wet but we went right on the potty and he got his m&m's. nothing. So then a little later he stood beside the potty holding himself asking for m's. I rushed to help him and he went pee. 

I had to leave to a dr appt and he stayed with daddy. He peed once then had two accidents. I tried before lunch and he refused to sit. I tried before nap and he freaked out. He woke dry and refused to sit. Crying, yelling no, and pushing away. So I let it be. He peed in his diaper. Just now he was about to poop so I went to put him on the pity and he had a meltdown till his shorts were back on. I'm pretty torn. How hard do I push? Do I let today go and try fresh in the morning?

I don't know. . .

I have been a TERRIBLE slacker at my blogging lately. I did make a facebook group so that when Leiland does or says something I can write it down quickly. I can search for things in there, and they are date stamped. So I will put a few of those things in here, its just a matter of having the time.

A little over a month ago we drove to Georgia to see Tims family. We had a blast too. Leiland was so good with Tims cousins and happy to see all the family. Two weeks ago we met my Laura, Jim, James, Kayla, and Anna in Pittsburgh. It was just a weekend and we brought Anna home with us. So she has been here for two weeks and in a week I will head to Michigan with her to return her. The plan started because I am going to Michigan for her 13th birthday. I'm really excited too. I was just home in July when Kayla was born, and my family hasn't seen her since then.

Leiland has been talking a lot more lately, and starting to repeat us if we say "Leiland can you say_____?". He is also been a lot more physical. He can jump now, has been climbing more, trying to balance on everything, and just stepped his dare-devilness up a notch.

He will be 22 months in just 10 days. Its crazy. I can't believe he is almost 2 already. This past year has been flying by for me. I am amazed by him on a daily basis, and I am still astonished as how my love for him has grown. Its hard to imagine feeling this way for another child.

Lately we have started to go pee on the potty. There was even a day he got a tiny drop of poop in the potty. Leiland also washes his hands using a step stool in the bathroom when done. He brushes his own teeth, is beginning to help clean up toys, and is starting to understand feelings more. He loves playing puzzles, and throwing balls, jumping on the dogs, and reading books. His favorite book right now is Dinosaur Roar, and we have to read it EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes its the only book he will let me read. Favorite puzzles include this firetruck one, and this shape one. This little farm is another top favorite to play with.

Leiland still LOVES Elmo, but is really into Mickey, Minnie, and Little Einsteins. He doesn't watch Elmo, but likes to watch Mickey. We are starting to learn letters and trying to count, but he isn't too interested. He knows a few colors although when you ask him, everything is orange. But when we are out and about he will call out things that are Orange, Red, and Blue. Working on it.

And just a few random pictures because its been forever, soon I will find time to post more.

 

 

 First snowman - he kept eating the peas for the eyes

 Last visit to the DC Childrens National for his broken elbow

Happy Valentines Day - He picked up his own cards - puppies and kitties of course

We love bath tablets for fun bath colors

Thats it for now, Ill try to be better at posting.